Artist's Block

I have had the worst case of artist's block in a very long time. It is one of the most god-awful, frustrating things to experience.  There is nothing like working a full eight hour day and to go home with your inspiration meter full, thinking of all the beautiful art you just might be able to create. A simple reward for having to hunch over a work desk all day.  And then you can't, you can't get anything right.  For that small amount of time you do make for your art, suddenly, it's not working, nothing is working. you get nothing. You try different angles, different poses. Why isn't it working, what is wrong with you as an artist that you can't simply draw the damn picture? That small warm feeling you get when you make the perfect picture seems so far away and you just feel like a failure, that warm feeling will never be yours anymore.

Time to do it all.over.again. Work and fail, work and fail.  For an artist, there is nothing more saddening then this. Art is you, you are art. Can you do anything else that makes you this happy? Maybe, but it's not the same. This hasn't really happened to me before. I usually can drum up inspiration from anywhere. But why not this time? PRESSURE!  It's because I am putting pressure on myself. There is simply no other reason. When I pressure myself this much, I just cannot do it.

For the third night staring at my picture, I called my mom for a chat. Just a simple chit chat about work, some casual bitching and joking here and there, not even for five minutes. In less than five minutes, I didn't even realize while I was talking to her that what I was sketching was what I was trying so hard to do these past few days. In less than five minutes!! I finally have a good start to my picture.

It's not just from the pressure to be a good artist that caused my artist block, but everyday life as well. Everyday in society I get reminded that I have to be perfect in every aspect of my life or I will be left behind. Sure that's a silly comment, but that's how it feels. Do this or else, look this way or else, be like one of them or face failure and mediocrity for the rest of your life. Once I just placed myself in the present moment, it was so easy. I knew there was a way, but I couldn't think of it, it was more of a feeling than a thought, I think it's something that needs to be learned.  I just have to remind myself that I need to let go once in a while, ignore the bullshit, and relax and take care of myself.